i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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