I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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