You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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