i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
