Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
