I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
