And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
