You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
