So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
