look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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