You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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