I don't think brook has ever known best
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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