Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
