Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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