My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
