she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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