I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
