She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
