3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
