His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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