1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
