is your mom at the bar?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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