I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
