Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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