My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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