Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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