Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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