sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
