Ambien. No doubt about it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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