no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
