Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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