We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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