I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize