My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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