dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
