i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
