Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my fart just growled at me.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Randomize
