You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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