Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everyone says I win the strip club
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
