mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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