i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
