I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
