Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize