I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
