Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
