Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
