I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
