We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize