She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
There are leaves in my underwear?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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