tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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