It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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