So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
