so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize