bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
