if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
