It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
