her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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