if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
