so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
