Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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