also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize