i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
