Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
