ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Vodka?
Forever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
