What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
