So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
