Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
