mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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