hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
