If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
