Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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