You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
