Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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