someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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