Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
