Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
