I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
