It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize