listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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