I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
