so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
