I hate your face
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
