I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
