my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
