If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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