My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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