Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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