Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FUCK WHALES
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
