Dual....:-)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
