her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
