What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
