I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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