there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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