Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
God gave him joint rollers for hands
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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