moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
