If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
