It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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