Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
