So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize