shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
