there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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