yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
