Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
