As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
