someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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