I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
