booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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