Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
