were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
